Some tots

Sometimes something cannot be forced...businesses, life, love, and more...

I started to run on a treadmill again since the golf club that I go for golf was closed down about few weeks ago... it is hard and tough because it really sap my energy... although it is for a short time like 30 minutes... each time I run it makes me felt asleep...

Businesses are still very slow... I been working hard but the businesses still not up to the par that I really wanted... where are there... geez...

Life....ain't good

Love... the person that I fancy for told me that I am too quiet... hahaha... Chris Tan is too quiet... first time eh...

I sounded pretty negative I know I just needed some break... please give me some break...

April 2010

It is a month of reflection and heart ache...

Not something easy to swallow.... go away April!

Feeling sorry for thyself

Feeling sorry for thyself or the so called self pity is the worst thing ever... I know the feeling because I being feeling that way for the past few months...

It is something that I don't like... I don't self pity in the past. But suddenly all the craps drops on me which cost me basically everything from A-Z for the whole year. It makes me almost think of killing myself... Seriously.... not a pretty picture.

Worst Chinese New Year

I have the worst Chinese New Year this year... never felt that bad before not in my life, I was thinking how a single individual able to take all this shit at the same time....

What is the worst thing that can happened to your life

What will be the worst thing that can ever happened to you... twice, the person that you found, the person that you know it is the 'one' said they just wanted to be a friend and nothing more...The first one is 12 years ago, just after a month of dating, she said she just wanted to be friend... she is happily married now... which is fine. The second one, is just less than two months... I can never truly love somebody or I should not do that at all...why? Well, I been dating for a while, but the same feeling is not there... I can lied to myself or something, but I will not able to commit like these two wonderful individuals that I met.

Or again I made the same mistake again... I am just fooling myself... I am truly broken now... truly heart broken...

Some tots

My lucky charms, I don't need it anymore, You are always right, I am not always been myself, I always escaping, I am afraid to compete with others, I am afraid of myself, I am afraid of you.

The world make me feel small, I thought I can survive in it, and find a survival mean...

Maybe the coming days will be better and perfect, but the only lucky thing is my weaknesses included tolerances... I have nothing to complain... maybe I have said many bad things in the past... the game of saving face... when I am together with you, I am a complete person... I would like to restart again, so that I can be a better person... or so I can get closer to you, I just needed one more minutes to hug you...Please wait just one minute, so I can caught up with you, please let me be besides you, because I love you...

I am sorry...

A Reflection back to the 1st of January, 2009

This is the best time of reflection although there is still 9 days left...

Personal life
My personal life is a mess...
a. Sometime it is right, do not mix business with personal... I was helping a friend out, who is a friend's girlfriend's boyfriend... however it turned out to be a nightmare because he did not perform, after chances were given not once but twice... everything has a limit... but this leniency almost kill my overall businesses... the worst of all they don't understand my problems due to his slacking... I meant big problem, not some petty stuffs... because of him I lose almost 80% of works out of my order book... that's alot of money... and we almost not able to recover because of it.
b. I did not get back to a girl that I promised to return earlier in the year... I was thinking of doing it... but I did not... deep down of me won't allowed it...
c. I was wooing another girl back in March... but it was a failure...
d. I became an alcoholic... admitting is the first step of solving the problem... so, not to be dragged down further to abyss, I will quit drinking for a year...
e. I have a quarrel with my brother, which we never recovered... up until now...
f. I almost killed myself with a car accident that I have few days ago... it was a terrible accident... I knew because with another turn, I will be gone from the face of the earth... however I did not admit this to anyone...
g. I almost lose interest of running the business because of my father and brother... one thought I am not working hard enough, the other thought I was not work at all... funny.
h.I am not acting like myself in front of the girl... but I have to admit it.. I did not...

Pink Angel

Yesterday, after seeing my client, which I am on my way, I gave the girl some x'mas gift... it is simple gift, a pink teddy bear that comes with a coffee mug. It looks cute and the coffee mug that is pretty useful... Eventually I wanted to have lunch with her, but I am busy with works and I did not sleep the night before due to work. I met her at her working place, she looks very nice in a pink baju kurung (Malay woman dress)... I meant it is stunning... I gave it to her and she said 'wow'... I am glad she is happy because it do makes my day a happy day. None the less, I still owed her a book... Pride and Prejudice...