Some tots

Sometimes something cannot be forced...businesses, life, love, and more...

I started to run on a treadmill again since the golf club that I go for golf was closed down about few weeks ago... it is hard and tough because it really sap my energy... although it is for a short time like 30 minutes... each time I run it makes me felt asleep...

Businesses are still very slow... I been working hard but the businesses still not up to the par that I really wanted... where are there... geez...

Life....ain't good

Love... the person that I fancy for told me that I am too quiet... hahaha... Chris Tan is too quiet... first time eh...

I sounded pretty negative I know I just needed some break... please give me some break...

April 2010

It is a month of reflection and heart ache...

Not something easy to swallow.... go away April!

Feeling sorry for thyself

Feeling sorry for thyself or the so called self pity is the worst thing ever... I know the feeling because I being feeling that way for the past few months...

It is something that I don't like... I don't self pity in the past. But suddenly all the craps drops on me which cost me basically everything from A-Z for the whole year. It makes me almost think of killing myself... Seriously.... not a pretty picture.

Worst Chinese New Year

I have the worst Chinese New Year this year... never felt that bad before not in my life, I was thinking how a single individual able to take all this shit at the same time....

What is the worst thing that can happened to your life

What will be the worst thing that can ever happened to you... twice, the person that you found, the person that you know it is the 'one' said they just wanted to be a friend and nothing more...The first one is 12 years ago, just after a month of dating, she said she just wanted to be friend... she is happily married now... which is fine. The second one, is just less than two months... I can never truly love somebody or I should not do that at all...why? Well, I been dating for a while, but the same feeling is not there... I can lied to myself or something, but I will not able to commit like these two wonderful individuals that I met.

Or again I made the same mistake again... I am just fooling myself... I am truly broken now... truly heart broken...

Some tots

My lucky charms, I don't need it anymore, You are always right, I am not always been myself, I always escaping, I am afraid to compete with others, I am afraid of myself, I am afraid of you.

The world make me feel small, I thought I can survive in it, and find a survival mean...

Maybe the coming days will be better and perfect, but the only lucky thing is my weaknesses included tolerances... I have nothing to complain... maybe I have said many bad things in the past... the game of saving face... when I am together with you, I am a complete person... I would like to restart again, so that I can be a better person... or so I can get closer to you, I just needed one more minutes to hug you...Please wait just one minute, so I can caught up with you, please let me be besides you, because I love you...

I am sorry...

A Reflection back to the 1st of January, 2009

This is the best time of reflection although there is still 9 days left...

Personal life
My personal life is a mess...
a. Sometime it is right, do not mix business with personal... I was helping a friend out, who is a friend's girlfriend's boyfriend... however it turned out to be a nightmare because he did not perform, after chances were given not once but twice... everything has a limit... but this leniency almost kill my overall businesses... the worst of all they don't understand my problems due to his slacking... I meant big problem, not some petty stuffs... because of him I lose almost 80% of works out of my order book... that's alot of money... and we almost not able to recover because of it.
b. I did not get back to a girl that I promised to return earlier in the year... I was thinking of doing it... but I did not... deep down of me won't allowed it...
c. I was wooing another girl back in March... but it was a failure...
d. I became an alcoholic... admitting is the first step of solving the problem... so, not to be dragged down further to abyss, I will quit drinking for a year...
e. I have a quarrel with my brother, which we never recovered... up until now...
f. I almost killed myself with a car accident that I have few days ago... it was a terrible accident... I knew because with another turn, I will be gone from the face of the earth... however I did not admit this to anyone...
g. I almost lose interest of running the business because of my father and brother... one thought I am not working hard enough, the other thought I was not work at all... funny.
h.I am not acting like myself in front of the girl... but I have to admit it.. I did not...

Pink Angel

Yesterday, after seeing my client, which I am on my way, I gave the girl some x'mas gift... it is simple gift, a pink teddy bear that comes with a coffee mug. It looks cute and the coffee mug that is pretty useful... Eventually I wanted to have lunch with her, but I am busy with works and I did not sleep the night before due to work. I met her at her working place, she looks very nice in a pink baju kurung (Malay woman dress)... I meant it is stunning... I gave it to her and she said 'wow'... I am glad she is happy because it do makes my day a happy day. None the less, I still owed her a book... Pride and Prejudice...

The best comic book I read lately

Think of this:

A man was in a train... thinking, thinking what will happen the next day... he is looking outside of the train... a local festival ended... he look again into the air... he looks sad because he been conned... the worst of all, it lingered where his girl friend also been cheated through his introduction... he knows what will happen tomorrow... he walk into his house, call his mother, but she is no where to be found... he just remembered his mom was not in that day... he walk to a familiar room, a room of his childhood... where he remembered the adventures that he was imagining when he was young... he can travel back to time, to the future, go to everywhere he wish like out of space and every where...he saw the writing on the door... the writing said the so called 'everywhere door'... from doraemon... he wish on the door, bring me back to two days ago... he knew it won't work...

He saw his mom... he called his mom, 'Mom, I thought you were away...'. Her mom's reply, ' in two more days...' He looks puzzled... His mom nagged at him saying he should come home more... He walked to the train station after bidding good bye... he took the train home, feel lost because he still dragged what will the girl she loved said to him... he feel lost... suddenly he was interrupted by the conductor... the conductor asked for the ticket...he looked at the ticket... it was two days ago... he is like what.... he asked the conductor was puzzled because it was the right date... and there is a phone call, his girlfriend called him regarding investing the friend's scheme... where he asked to abort... and suddenly he saw doraemon was flying away... where he look again, it was a helicopter...

Yesterday Wedding Dinner

Another Single Guy Bites the dust... it is so so so sad because our numbers are few...I never noticed that but it seemed that the number of singles have been diminished greatly...

However, Mr. Senthil's wedding was a blast... I told them I wanted to have a reunion dinner with both Indian and Chinese people, because they always split... I don't know why I am the only one blind in this case, but it is a fair assessment because I seldom see them interact with each other except me who is doing the job here... haha down right funny huh... I did not meet Ming Siang for almost a year now... and he is looking great and good...

I made another conclusion this morning, that I will stop drinking for a year... maybe a glass or two... but officially no more drinking... the accident last week opened my eyes to another perspective... I need to be alive... too many things are hanging on my shoulder... my mom, my dad and people who is working for me...God have spared my life so that I can do a better job this time... it is a pretty bad trauma... nobody knew about it...and I will keep it in here, full stop... nobody knows what was I thinking when I flipped my car... I do...have you seemed the flashback... I did... have you think of the last person you want to see... I did....have you pray to GOD... I did, everything in that split second...this is a piece of blog that I felt a bit too revealing... but I will let it post on this blog... because I felt it is right...

2010 New Year Resolution

Revision of 2009 NYR...

1. Stop drinking for a year...
2. EXERCISE more
3. Loose at much as possible anything useless such as fat and stuff
4. Read more books this year (yes, I do read, I will read about 100 books in 2010)- A.K.A. management and business books and magazines.
5. Listen to more classical music and Jazz, which I did this year... and I will do more next year
6. Get myself well versed with business tools, cash flow control
7. Learn to be a better boss in management and businesses
8. Makesure the company will survive this year and ten years plan
9. Build a new house or layout the plan, will not... I will renovate my current condos to my taste... I have more junk in my house now
10.
11. Be a better son
12. Be a better brother mend up with my brother... it is a rough patch last year
13. Be a better man by being happy
14. Will tried to look for the other half, and stop flirting around...hehehe... seeing someone now...
15. Learn a few more cooking methods by collecting more cooking recipes, will set up a blog on cooking, have not done this but will do it in 2010
16.
17. Will be more open minded
18.
19.
20. Will tried to forget and forgive some old nemesis
21. Will makesure my condo in order
22. Will cut down my personal expenses... too much spending...

Never felt so shitty before

Have a terrible accident, but I kind of survive it... without a scratch... I felt bad about the car, but it is a good riddance...

My days are numbered...

I just realized our days as a single guy is numbered, because of numbers have been decimated from 2/3 of our class to 1/3....I really hate this...

Met an Angel

It has been a year, that I did not go out for a blind date... the gal that I suppose to date, was not a success... I really told myself she is the one, but I guess we did not really that match each other... and I let somebody down...

My another bro set me up with another girl... I was acting smart and was checking her profile on facebook according to my friend/bro's call her of her name... I am death wrong.... because when I reached the place... she is a totally different person... lightning strike down at that time... literally.... it is different from last time because this time... it make me pretty nervous.... she has a look of a kind woman, the kind that you will put your life with... her manners and her style was fine.

We met at Nando...fyi... because my bro came late due to shutdown at his factory. She has a dinner first... and I decided that we moved to Alexis due to their performance that night was a tribute to Mile Davis...

She left me a pretty good impression that night and I really like it....

Car accident on 16th Nov, 2009

I was happy because I found the DVDs and also the books that I have been looking for at Old Klang Road... I was so happy...

I was driving on my lane, and I was putting a turn signal from the place that I am going... I look at the rear mirror, I saw a motorcycle in a high speed... I thought he saw the signal, but I never thought he tried to overtake my car from the left, and bang, I saw a flying motorcycle, a grown man and two kids flew on air and hit the ground to about 11 o'clock (direction) from my car...@#@$#$%$%%%&^&*&&*), whatever! I parked my car to the side, and look at the motorcyclist sitting on floor, suddenly I did not feel remorse or sad or anything, I just feel calm and angry (geram)... it is some lantent feeling that I have... it is evil? I don't know.

However, I called the ambulance to pick the people up, because I feel unsafe leaving the people properties laying here on the floor... ambulance came at 11pm and went to make a trip to the police station to make a report.

13th the Friday

I never loved Friday the 13th,I am not superstitious, but the days always reminded me of something bad... this Friday the 13th, I been robbed. Yes, first time in my life, I was robbed.

I lost my gold chain worth 5k which already been with me for almost 20 years... my cards and my smart tag to the thief...

It is not scary and I was firm and just gave the bloody thief what he wants because it is just thing!

Hmmm... what to write

Two blogs a month is something that it tough... not that easy to write...

I am looking at cashflow and it is not an easy thing to look at...

I begin to turn business around, not an easy task, but will able to maintain it.

Short sentece, but a powerful kick to my face!

"... No one fall in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. No one fall out of love by chance, it is by choice ... "

It is something that I can work on... it is chance and not choice and it not by chance but by works...

One the first sentence, it is something that I can see.... because by chance I am able to meet someone, but by choice I am still far behind... however I know I can't find someone by choice because people always take the better choice.

I am lazy of working... and I thought I can let it go by choice... so in your face...

Watermelon

I was cutting some watermelon that day, and it brought back some memories... thanks.

I thought of giving it out to my mom, but it ends up to be in my belly, wohoooo....

I am a big bad bear!

Tired and tiring!

It is raining and raining... I am not tired of the rain, but I am tired of my life and also with the people around me...I am thinking why I am that negative??? This is because if negativity brings more negativity... I should be more positive thinking....

Not to linger with the past that long...

Tiring is because my cough status, it is still bad... and this morning I almost cough to the death... it is bad and right now I may have some spinning headache.