Jokes for Monday Blues

(Love this joke, because like my friends will declared, proud to be gay...this joke is from YL.)
1st Joke: When fathers talk about their kids

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline company, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the Successes of our sons... What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...What a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."


2nd Joke: The Three Sons



Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"


3rd Joke:Dear Mom (For YL and CKC, when their daughter are older)

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed.
With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:"It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped
with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have
many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana
doesn't hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to
find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now
and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS:
Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worst this in life than my report card that's in the desk drawer. "

Joke 4:The Sword Master

The Three Swordsmen

Once the Shogun gave a reception to honor the best swordsmen in Japan. All the top samurai were in attendance along with Court nobles and beautiful geisha. A geisha approached the third highest ranked swordsmen and asked; "Sir, can you demonstrate your sword skills for me?" At once, the samurai drew his sword a cut a hovering fly in half. "Very impressive", said the geisha. When she saw the samurai who was the second highest ranked swordsmen in Japan she asked him the same question. He immediately drew his sword and cut two pesky flys in half. "Most impressive", said the geisha. Then she spotted the samurai that was the highest ranked swordsmen in all of Japan. "Honorable Sir", she said "would you be so kind as to demonstrate your sword skill for me?". The samurai drew his sword and cut into the air in the direction of a nearby fly, but the fly buzzed away. "Oh, so sorry you missed", said the geisha. "But I didn't miss", said the samurai humbly "that fly will have no offspring."